Chapman, The Five Love Languages

Gary Chapman is an author and a pastor in North Carolina. His enduring ministry is in helping people’s marriages be better than they think possible. Ever since I was in college I have been aware of, and casually learned about, Chapman’s Five Love Language materials. He has written books applying them to all manner of relationships, with the most important being the marriage relationship.

In our culture and in our time, it appears to be terribly difficult to be and stay married, so I read books on marriage relationships frequently – for myself and for my church. I want to have  a good marriage, and I want to help people in our church have good marriages too.

To this end, Chapman’s book is fantastic. It’s simple, to the point, and has inspirational stories that show the reader how they too can apply an understanding of how we give and receive messages of love to their own marriages. I love this little book and tell people all the time to pick it up and enjoy a better life together with their spouse!

Here’s some solid material to get you going:

  • p. 14, “We must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love.”
  • p.34-5, “…one who is ‘in love’ is not genuinely interested in fostering the personal growth of the other person. ‘If we have any purpose in mind when we fall in love it is to terminate our own loneliness and perhaps ensure this result through marriage.’ The in-love experience does not focus on our own growth nor on the growth and development of the other person. Rather, it gives us the sense that we have arrived and that we do not need further growth… Research seems to indicate that there is a third and better alternative: We can recognize the in-love experience for what it was – a temporary emotional high – and now pursue ‘real love’ with our spouse.”
  • p.73, “One way to learn new patterns is to establish a daily sharing time in which each of you will talk about three things that happened to you that day and how you feel about them… you will start with the daily minimum, in a few weeks or months you may find quality conversation flowing more freely between you.
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