I figure after 31 years of life, it’s time for me to pass on some of the vast array of knowledge I have gathered. So, this will likely be an ongoing series in the reorient blog. No thanks required, and feel free to add your tips to my lists.
1. Don’t wear leopard or zebra print. This is attractive to crocodiles. I would suggest wearing something less appetizing like broccoli or oatmeal. Crocodiles hate those.
2. Avoid reffering to the crocodiles as alligators. Always treat crocodiles as you would like to be treated. You’d hate it if the crocodiles called you a featherless chicken.
3. Swim underwater not on the surface. This way the crocodiles will assume you are stupid and may avoid eating you because you might not taste as good. The added bonus is that, on occasion that the crocodiles do eat you, you can tell St. Peter you didn’t even see them because you were swimming under water. This is called ‘The Stupid Strategy’. It’s really famous.
4. If you have a friend with you push them into the water first. Hopefully they will be mad at you and splash around while yelling and screaming at you. This will attract all the crocodiles to themselves while you can quickly go across the river a few yards away. Don’t use this strategy if your friend owes you money.